Leaving You
by J. Random Lurker
Summary: AU spinoff from Jhonen's four-page minicomic. Zim and Dib have left Earth together, but it doesn't mean everything is settled between them... Chapter Three: Zim takes control. ZADF, eventually.
1. Zim schemes

** Leaving You  
a spinoff ficlet from Jhonen's minicomic by  
J. Random Lurker**

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** YEEEEEHAW!!**

Mmyup. These bunnies are sure fun to ride. I like this planet. Can't remember its name, but it's easy enough to find- just go left off that other place and fly until you get bored. It's all blue and green and breezy. Different from Irk. Sort of like Earth, except this place smells a lot better and the sun isn't so horribly HOT and it doesn't have filthy HUMANS on it and stupid CITIES that taunt me with their huge maze-y stupidness and... okay, so it's not really that much like Earth at all. Eh, whatever.

I sneak a glance back at the human, all sneakily, so he won't notice me doing it. And I just look at his face. He smiles so big I expect that the corners of his mouth should start bleeding. His eyes are glassy. Good, means the stuff I slipped into his drink's taking effect.

What, you thought Zim - ZIM!- was going to play chauffeur to the delights of the galaxy for a mere -human-? Some sorta servile.. butler... driving.. thingy? For DIB?! HAH! NEVER!

I brought him here to kill him.

I think I did, anyway.

Yes, that MUST be why, considering I DO remember putting that sedative in that drink, and all. Sometimes my amazing plans even catch ME by surprise. This one sure did. I mean, I was just gonna leave him on the Earth with all my evil conquering robots. Figured, eh, he'd get his gargantuan head eaten or shot off or maybe he'd just rot there miserably getting older and bitterer... At first. Then all of a sudden I hear my mouth saying these strange words while I'm packing up. "Hey, Dib! Wanna come with me into space? We can ride space bunnies and drink space sodas!"

It was funny watching his pathetic brain try to sort out his duty from his desire. The look on his face. Oh, if only I had a recording device. The little twitches at the corner of his mouth, the nervous shakes of those absurdly tiny hands before his chest. Such melodrama. Like it was any kind of a hard choice. Hehe. As if. I knew the second I saw that horrible light go in his eyes that he was fighting a losing battle. "... Bunnies?" he said to me, all big-eyed, like a smeet. That's when I felt that deliciousness inside.

Victory for Zim!

Of COURSE he was going to come with me. It wasn't as if the Earth's putrid creatures had ever been particularly KIND to him or anything. No, he had earned SLIGHTLY better. So, the next thing I know ... we're in space together. I'm pretty sure we even started singing a song once we broke free of gravity. I don't remember the words. I don't think it really matters anyway.

So I sat there singing like a fool, and inside my brain I was thinking to myself, "Why did I do this?" All the way here. It was -really- annoying. Chasing my own thoughts around. Stupid thoughts!

Then it came to me: Ooh, I KNOW. I must have decided that I'm going to kill him but that I'm going to do it in some clever and unexpected way and I'm going to do it MYSELF, just because I CAN and I SHOULD and only I have the RIGHT to. After all, does not the Irken rules of war allow me to take my choice of treasure from the conquered world? Invader's priviledge; to the victor go the spoils.

Yes, of course. That was it. I was claiming my reward. Stupid Earth, you had no idea. Without even a FIGHT, you gave me everything I desired...

I hear a slurring moan behind me, and a dully grassy thumpy sorta sound. Ah, there. He just pitched off the bunny-creature big head-first. 'bout time too, heh. Lemme get off this stupid thing and ... rr, let me OFF, you stupid creature... rrhh! Taste the point of my HEEL...aaaAAAA!

... ooooogh! Nah, s'okay, Gir... s'just a broken tibia... Whrr. Okay!

The grass feels springy and makes little clippy noises under my boots. Gir and Minimoose join me. We all sorta stand over him and look at him. Heh. Looks kinda sad, really. Face-down, all sprawled out in the grass, melty pink-slushy-stuff all spilled around his coat and hand. Like that horrible red iron-y stuff that lurks in his veins; I seen it now and then when we fought back on Earth. The sight of the gooey stickiness spilled all over the human makes me snicker. I fantasize that it actually IS blood, his nasty stinky blood gushing out of his insides. Oh, such delicious fantasy. I rub my hands together and crouch down next to the human. Pick up his head by the back of his hair. His mouth opens, a wrinkle makes his forehead go all funny, and he moans.

The taunts I could make.. eh. I just don't feel like it. Never mistake Zim for a soft-hearted fool though! I WANT to gloat. Glower, gloat, heckle, snipe: all those nice words that mean 'make fun of you for losing'. 'cause you LOST, Dib .You lost SO hard, and you don't even KNOW it. But what would the point be? He's not -there- to hear me. And... eh. So I just say "Bye, Dib," shove his face back into the grass. I do grind him in a bit, listening to the squishy ground go squish.

's not the BEST demise, I admit. I've done better, but... meh. Long time since this was overdue for finishing.

Just glad it's over, that's all. Yes. Very glad. Stupid wormbaby. Should have died a long time ago. Should've killed you that first day. But NO, you had to be all CHASEY and snooping and CLEVER...

As I'm walking off I suddenly realize something's... missing. I hear Minimoose squeaking behind me.

Turn around. And my 'loyal sidekick' is nudging the Dib with its antlers, a visibly upset look on his round face. He looks at me and squeaks again.

What is THIS?! VILE treachery! BASE betrayal? From YOU, Minimoose? I... WAIT, GIR, you TOO?!

Yes, my braindead robot is sitting there too. POUTING at me, with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Get away from the human!" I scream at both of them. Idiots! I should melt you BOTH down for... "We're leaving!"

squeak!

"Yes, that is EXACTLY the point! I'm leaving him here to DIE!"

squeak

"What do you MEAN you're not leaving?! How DARE you defy me with your... horrible.. defying... make me so ANGRY I can't even... GRRR! You two are GOING to come with me, NOW or... or... I'll leave YOU here too!"

Oh no, Gir, don't you DARE start sniffling at me... You KNOW I hate it when you... AUGH, NO... "You! You're GANGING UP ON ME! It must be HIS doing! DIB! He corrupted you, didn't he?! He must have DONE something to both of you while I wasn't looking that you would side with HIM over ME, your MASTER..."

ONE is bad enough, but BOTH of them staring at me with the guilt-inducing CUTE SAD EYES, I...

... oh, TALLEST! I can't DO this!

"Oh, all right, ALL RIGHT! But YOU TWO are going to have to be RESPONSIBLE for him, then! Is that clear? YOU want to keep him, FINE, but you're gonna have to .. eh, water him and .. whatever it is that you do with humans. And stuff. Is that CLEAR? I WON'T be responsible for taking care of YOUR pet human! He's YOUR problem, not mine!"

Tallest, why do they have to look so stinking HAPPY about it?!

And then I'm off to the ship, running as fast as I CAN. I don't intend to HELP them, if they can get him on board on their own then FINE. I just go straight to the control room so I can FUME. Lock myself in. My own SERVANTS, my TRUSTED ALLIES, turned AGAINST me! With their SMUG, self-righteous attitude! As if they know what's good for me! NOBODY tells me what's good for me except ZIM! NOBODY!!

Nobody...

Mm. Guess I might as well see how they're doing. Put my feet up and flick a monitor switch on.

Huh, they seem to be doing okay. Gir's got him. Sure. Fine. Don't need any help from ME. I only BUILT them and take CARE of them, get THIS back for it. Rotten machines. The whole lot of 'em. I should dump them all out the nearest airlock once we clear the planet. Zim needs nothing. Noone. No traitory machines. No.

No, I don't wanna watch any more. I drop my feet off the console and flick on the external com. "I'm starting the ENGINES now, so you better HURRY UP!"

Five minutes later, I take the ship into orbit. Don't know whether they're onboard or not. Don't care. No, I really DON'T.

I don't.

Silence. It's very quiet. Just me and the noises of the ship. Ooh, but I can FEEL the computer looking at me, feel its camera eyes on the back of my neck! IT's probably conspiring against me TOO! I shout at it to make myself feel better. "Computer, I can HEAR you disapproving, and it's ANNOYING me, so STOP IT! I know you're LOOKING at me trying to make me FEEL bad but I'm NOT gonna feel bad! NEVER!"

"NEVER!"

Tallest, I'm a bad liar, aren't I?


	2. Dib wakes

** Leaving You 2   
A 'wacky' Invader Zim fanfic  
by J. Random Lurker **

Ooouuoh...

My head hurts. Feels like something's jammed behind my eyeballs, trying to cut my brain in half.

What's under me? Metal? Ghh... it's cold... where AM I? What is this sticky crap all over my arms and fingers? Why is there DIRT in my mouth...?

I spit out the crud behind my teeth and sit up. It hurts to move. Maybe if I sit REALLY STILL, I won't aggravate whatever's making my stupid skull feel like exploding. I wish the air would quit using my forehead as a trampoline.

I can hear engines throbbing, bass doom thundering far below me. Everything looks Irken around me. Purple and red and blue lights above; weird shapes and uneven flowing joins in the walls. Zim's ship. Yeah. Must be.

Too bad I can't seem to remember what I'm DOING here. No, seriously- I can't remember! I know we left Earth, and then... ehh? It's gone from there. It's all GONE. All I can get are these vague images of ... bunnies? Brightly colored flying BUNNIES?

...

That CAN'T be right.

I sit up quick, feeling my teeth grinding. /ZIM/! He must have DONE something to me, messed up my head somehow! Some kinda Irken brain-scrambling ray? Was I drugged? Has he decided I'm a prisoner now? I don't even KNOW!

As soon my head clears I'm gonna go find Zim and beat the CRAP out of him for doing ...uh...whatever it is that he did to me! Geez, he can't just go doing... STUFF to me like that!

"HIII! YOU AWAKE NOW?"

Gahhhh! Zim's robot-dog-thingy! He's waving his hand real fast in front of my face and grinning. The fake plastic eye-cups of his dog suit go all googly. My eyes start spasming as my brain tries to explode again from the robot's stupid VOICE. "Gir, please don't SHOUT... mmmf."

So of course Gir chooses to JUMP me, lock his arms around my chest and SQUEEZE until I see spots. "I LOOOOOVE YOU PUPPY DIB!" he bellows in my face, treating me to a full blast of rotten tuna ice cream breath. The felt suit smells mildewy and sour, like it's been locked in a musty old closet for a hundred years.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

".... thass' great Gir... can't -breathe-....!"

"Hee hee. Oops. Master said we could KEEP youu! Like a little doggie! So I got this leash thingy!"

He lets go and I... WAIT, /LEASH!?/ GYAH!! Oh no you...

Before I can do or say ANYTHING Gir whips up and snaps something smooth around my neck, CLICK, and my heart drops into my SHOES. I claw at the collar, but I can't find the release. He giggles, showing me the long black strap connected to it.

Oh, THIS is really great. REALLY great...

The crazy little robot grins at me, holding the strap of the 'leash' in one hand, and leans up to lick my face, slobbering all over me just like a real dog. Then he climbs up on my HEAD and starts snoring. Loudly. Right about now I start thinking I should've just stayed on Earth with Zim's horrible death-machines.

I can see Minimoose, Zim's OTHER psychotic little robot, hovering near, so I throw a look his way, "Uhm... do YOU know what the heck's going on around here?"

SQUEAK!

He drifts over and nudges my cheek with his little nubbly antlers, all but purring. Great. He loves me too. That's great, but...

"WILL SOMEBODY -PLEASE- EXPLAIN WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!" I flail my arms like a crazy guy and immediately regret it. Ow...gyah. Shouldn't be shouting. I guess I just woke Gir again too because I feel him sitting up again and hear him yawning. Unfortunately, he also remembers the strap of the leash that he's holding, and starts GIGGLING again. I was kinda hoping he'd just forget all about it.

And then I hear him squeal, "Les' take doggie for a walk, moose!"

Oh, NO...

He drops off me all the way to the floor and pulls on the leash, giving me a momentarily irritated look over his shoulder when I don't promptly join him. I think about trying to reason with the thing- I'm SO not in the mood for this- but realize the stupid robot wouldn't listen to me anyway.

Sigh. I guess I have to play along. If I try to fight, I'll probably just end up choking myself. Not worth it. I use my hands to help myself off the table. Whooogh. Dizzy... ghhh. Almost fell over there. My legs REALLY don't want to hold me up. I make them, 'cause I don't want to be dragged around by the neck, and I think Gir WOULD, without even batting a fake eye.

"Whooo hooo! I gots me a Dib puppy," he shouts, and starts toddling off to the door. There's definitely serious irony to being led around on a leash by a fake dog, but I don't really want to even think about it all that closely, y'know...? The moose drifts over a few inches to the left of me and hovering along there.

This is just fantastic. Just GREAT.

Man, I REALLY hope Zim doesn't see me like this...

... Who am I kidding?

... This is gonna SUCK.

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_jrandomlurker(at)yahoo.com_


	3. Zim Bargains

**Leaving You: Chapter Three**

**BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHH**... can't BREATHE... sweet Irk....

Dib-stink... -leash-... GIR!

Oh... OH... the look! The HUMILIATION! He stands there with his eyes like THIS and mouth hanging open and all red and ... squinty, looks like a dried up old Slookyflurg and... BAHAHAHAH! I want to scream for the computer to take a hundred thousand PICTURES of this but I can't stop LAUGHING long enough to get stupid words out...

I hear him growling, "Shut UP, Zim!" Would be dangerous, except he isn't gonna get... very far... AHAHAHAH!

No.. got to... heeeh...heehhh... got to get CONTROL... get my BREATH back..!

I spin clear, fall on console, buttons go beep under my claws, oh, it's too much! Gasp in for breathing, oh my Tallest it HURTS... good hurt, though. Amazing hurt. Worth it. Oh, and Dib hates me, now. Eyes all flashy and glinting. Hates me with those piggy little eyes of his.

Poor little HUMAN.... gonna hate me EVEN MORE after I get my lungs back in order! oh YES, you will.

Stand up, gotta stand up. Breathing, like the Academy, in out good... control... straighten the back... and SMILE. The SMILE is the most, the VERY most important part. I see it sink into Dib like a blade. Now he doesn't just hate me, he WONDERS. What will the AMAZING, UNPREDICTABLE ZIM do next?

Is that a tiny hint of fear I see? Beautiful.

"GIR," I say, "I see you've brought the HUMAN for INSPECTION. Very good! I'll take it from here, GIR!!" I hold out my hand toward my LOYAL sidekick, waiting. Tap my foot a little.

Why isn't he placing the leash in my hand? I tap my foot a little HARDER. "Gir..." Calm voice, mmhmm. Don't need to be ANGRY... just patient... Grinds my TEETH to be so patient, but I am ZIM and I can be patient for THIS. The human watches me warily, shuffling back as far as the leash.. oh no don't laugh again... will allow. I don't bother to meet his gaze. He may WAIT on me and DESPAIR; I'll make my purpose for him known in my own good time.

Gir is being PETULANT; as I reach for the strap he pulls it back! How dare he... He narrows his eyes and shakes his head..."Nuh-uh! He MY puppy! You said so!" Arghhh .... MORE defiance?! This is INSANE! I'll have to reprogram EVERYTHING AROUND ME FIRST CHANCE I GET! Where is this RESISTANCE coming from?

And of COURSE the Dib-thing picks up on this and runs with it... "Yeah, Zim, YOU said so!"

"Don't try to SWEET-TALK your way out of this!" I shriek back. Feel the blood rushing to my head... stupid human! Make me lose control! Be QUIET!

Urggh. I didn't count on Gir ACTUALLY REMEMBERING what I said- y'know, he doesn't NORMALLY. I quickly look around. Is there ANYTHING I can distract him with, any sort of shiny thing? Have I got some GUM or something in my pak... must be SOMETHING! I move my hand around over the console and feel something come loose under my fingers. No idea what it is, but I can see it's round and shiny. GOOD ENOUGH!

"Giiiir." I coo. Hear the cooing of Zim! I am so tempting, am I not? "Gir, I'll TRADE you your..." Pierce the human with my MEANINGFUL STARE and SMIRK, "...PUPPY for ... this!" Hold out the shiny thing. Wave it around a little. "It's shiny! You LIKE shiny things... you can have it, just GIVE ME THE DIB..."

Who could possibly remain UNMOVED by the cleverly convincing words of ZIM?

The Dib looks at Gir with ... heh... 'puppy-dog' eyes and shakes his head no no NO.

I step nearer, waving the smooth thing before Gir. "Shiny thing, Gir... it's a SHINY thing...all for YOU..."

"No! I wanna ... uggh... be a puppy! A really cute puppy! I can.. uhm... do TRICKS! Yeah! Look! I can ...STAND ON TWO LEGS! FOR HOURS AT A TIME!" The stink-worm is pleading with Gir. If I wasn't so irritated this would be TRULY hilarious. Hmm... I wonder just how far I can actually GET the Dib to DEBASE himself... hMMm...

But my robot looks confused. "Uhhh...I dunno.. that IS a purdy good trick... uhm...." He chews on his lower robot-lip and looks between me and the Dib and me and the Dib and me and the Dib and oog I'm starting to get -dizzy- so let's END this!

"CHOOSE NOW!" I dangle the shiny round thing right in front of Gir! I know I'll win. His ATTENTION span can't hold out that much longer!

Yet the Dib-monster tries one last PATHETIC ploy! His gaze turns to the ceiling, but I don't see what could help him there! "Uhm... -bark?-"

HAH! TOO LATE, DIB...! Gir snatches the shiny thing from me and slaps the leash across my palm! He flops over onto the floor so that he can amuse himself licking and drooling all over the shiny thing! That's... disgusting. I step back to make room for his rolling, stinky body. Someday I really need to... eh, WASH him or something. Eeh.

I SMILE at the Dib again. Nice big I WIN smile. Tighten my fingers around the leash and tug on it JUST enough so he can FEEL it. I've got you NOW, human... right where I want you. Right where I'll KEEP you.

The human lurches forward as I pull; almost falls into me, but jerks back, until the line forces him to stop and balance out. His fingers claw at the material around his throat. His face fumes, but his lips are wibbling with fear.

This is going to be SO. MUCH. FUN.

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End file.
